Christmas Colonoscopy

Today (August 1, 2006) I had my second colonoscopy and I am only 54! If you are over 40 with a history of colon cancer in your family or if you are over 50 ... why haven't you had this procedure done yet? Colon cancer is deadly and yet it is the most preventable so why not remove this means of departing from the earth from the many choices. Believe me! the worst thing about the whole ordeal is taking the laxative .. the first time I took "Go-Lightly", but this time I opted for the tablets (Visicol). The tablet route is simpler, but it would be difficult for anyone with an aversion to swallowing large "pills", but it still beats the heck out of drinking that half-gallon of liquid misery. I know you won't believe this, but the actual procedure is pleasant. You will be in twilight anesthesia (breathing on your own) and will wake up refreshed after what seemed to be only seconds. More about this later, but in December of 1999, I wrote a little poem about my first procedure which was done by my friend Dr. Bill Conner of Rome Gastroenterology of Rome, Georgia. Hope this helps you to make the decision to have this done.

CHRISTMAS COLONOSCOPY

'Twas three weeks before Christmas 1999,

I came to Rome Gastro to get a colonscope up my behind.

The reason I came is really no mystery,

I have colon cancer in my family history.

As I walked in the door, I saw all the crew.

They greeted me with smiles like they always do.

I walked in the room and the curtain was drawn,

As I got undressed, I was all alone.

The stockings were hung by the chimney with care,

But my shirt, pants and underwear, I placed on a chair.

Out in the hallway, the gurney's wheels did clatter,

Dr. Conner wore a lab-coat 'cuz Go-Lightly makes you splatter.

Go-Lightly makes you go and makes you go fast,

When I find who named that stuff, I'm whuppin' his ass.

As the nurse injected the Demerol and Versed,

Visions of sugar-plums danced in my head.

Within a few seconds, I was out like a light.

I didn't scream and yell or put up a fight.

When my eyes opened, I was certainly glad.

I hoped the news from Dr. Conner would not be bad.

At my side was my wife, the love of my heart,

I was glad to see her, but I sure had to fart.

As sleep left my eyes, I began "Cuttin' Wind",

Then my friend, Dr. Conner, came walking in.

"Not a polyp, nor fissure; no hemorrhoid, nor mass,"

Dr Conner said, "George, you're a perfect ass."

Go Vixen, Go Rudolph, Go Lightly, Go Prancer,

MERRY CHRISTMAS TO ME! I DON'T HAVE CANCER.